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By Ki Young,* KOREA (as told to H. J. Kuleskey)
What effect does a strict upbringing in an ancient religion have on children? Does it mold their lives to be godly men and women? Does it affect their personalities? I know some of the answers to those questions personally. Fortunately, God intervened in my life during my teen years and changed me totally from what I would have been.
My family comes from one of the largest cities in Korea . My father, a first son, and my mother, a first daughter, had five children. I am the fourth child, but the second son. We all lived with my grandfather, a well-to-do business man. Grandfather was a somewhat famous man. He was vice-president of the Confucian group for all of Korea . He believed, like all Koreans, that Confucianism** had the highest value system over all other religions. He tried to imbue us, his grandchildren, with his strict conservative worldview. Our family had to adjust to his way of living. Conversations were rare among family members, and we would not dare to sing a song. As a result of this religious teaching, my siblings and I ended up with stiff personalities. However, from birth my natural personality was a bit optimistic and light. The two very different personalities made me what I was as I grew up.
When my oldest sister was in high school, her friend invited her to church. There she met her future husband, a junior pastor. When she introduced him to the family, Father was furious. Because of Grandfather’s position, how could his daughter marry a pastor? Actually, Father was not a follower of Confucianism, but he was also affected by its teachings. He believed there was a God, but he did not know Him. Mother, on the other hand, was a nominal Christian when she married my father, so she did not object. Her mother was a true Christian. Finally, a day before the wedding, Father gave his permission for my sister to marry.
When I was in high school, my sister invited me to church. I believed there could be an Absolute Being because I found much fallacy in the theory of evolution, but I did not practice any religion. I had been attending church for about two years when during a special service the Lord spoke to my heart through a Scripture the pastor read. “But now says the Lord that created you, O Jacob, and he that formed you, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed you, I have called you by your name; you are mine” (Isa. 43:1).
As the pastor read that verse, I heard my name instead of Jacob’s. I felt that God was saying to me, “Ki Young, I am calling you. I choose you as my son.” Right then I accepted the truth that God was the creator of the world.
Two months later I enrolled in a month-long Bible study led by a high school teacher. Every day for seven hours we would pray and study the Bible from a special study book. The first chapter taught about God, the second chapter taught about Jesus Christ. The third chapter was about the Holy Spirit, then sharing the gospel and so on.
As we studied, I understood that God had a purpose for me and for all mankind. I learned about God’s creation, about the fall of Adam and Eve and that they had to leave the Garden of Eden because of their sin. For that reason, we all are sinners and we need a Savior. At last I understood the whole plan of salvation and I decided to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I confessed my sin and as I wept, I asked God to save me from my sin. During that month God poured out His Holy Spirit on us as He promises in Acts 1:8.
My attitude changed totally. Now I could understand the Bible when I read it. I memorized over 200 verses that month. As soon as I read and studied a verse, I had memorized it. To me that was the evidence of the work of the Holy Spirit.
I began to pray for my family’s salvation. Ours was a very unhappy home because my parents quarreled so much and were not happy. I was very much ashamed of my family. I would never invite my friends into our home. Because I wanted to hide this shameful condition, I started to put on a mask of untruth. I was afraid of being rejected by my friends and neighbors. To avoid rejection by my peers, I rarely was my true self. Also, I hated my parents. I believed that if they wouldn’t constantly quarrel I would not have these painful feelings. Because I didn’t want to face truth, these things were not dealt with until later in life.
When I was in my sixth year of medical studies at the university, my father had a stroke. While he was in the hospital for months, my mother and I cared for him. Because of our loving service to him, Father decided to attend church with us. But he couldn’t understand what the preacher said and he couldn’t read the Bible, so after six months he quit. A year later he recovered from the stroke. He could speak, read and understand, but he did not return to church. Later, he became ill with liver cancer. Ten days before his death, I presented the gospel to my father and he invited Jesus into his life. I also had the privilege of presenting the gospel to my grandparents and they both accepted Christ as Savior. God was answering my prayer for my family’s salvation.
He also answered my prayer for a wife. When I wanted to know whom I should marry, the Lord showed me my wife’s face twice while I was praying. Because she was the sister of my close friend, I had never thought of her as my future wife. I knew her to be a wise and kind young woman, but she did not want to be a cross-cultural worker at that time. However, I shared with her what God had revealed to me and suggested that we pray together about it for 40 days. During that time the Lord confirmed to her heart that I was her future husband. We were both in committed situations—she was busy with medical studies at the university and I was fulfilling my army service, so we did not marry until three years later. God has blessed our union with two lovely children, a son and a daughter.
Since I came to Christ, I dreamed of being a Christian doctor serving in a foreign country. After our marriage, my wife and I began preparing for cross-cultural service. The last program of our training began with a retreat in the USA . One of the speakers spoke about bitterness. I felt that God was trying to say something to me, but I decided it must be for others. We were also required to read a book on relationships. As I read the book, I felt the Lord telling me that I was that person with bitterness and that I resented people. Since beginning the program I had been quarreling with my wife. As I read on, I saw that every paragraph described me.
I wept and wrote down the things that were in my heart—sadness, shame, resentment and anger, all roots of bitterness. Now I knew why I could never show my true heart, even though I smiled and made good relationships on the surface.
I knew I had to share this with my wife. She had been frustrated and depressed because of my anger, resentment and quarreling. She didn’t know how she could manage her marriage anymore. For about two hours I shared my heart with her. I told her I was really sorry, but I couldn’t deal with the problem myself. I said, “Even though you are frustrated and upset, I need your help. Please don’t blame me, forgive me and love me.”
“O.K. I will help you, even though I am so angry,” she replied.
I believe God’s healing began at that time. I am trusting God will use me to bring deliverance to people bound by bitterness as I was. As I look back on my life, the very thing I had hated in my home was now in mine. The very things I hated about my parents were in me. Thank God these sins will not be passed to my children, for God has stepped in to deliver me from my past and heal the pain. He is enabling me by His Spirit to live a godly life in obedience to His Word. By God’s grace I do not have to follow my earthly father’s ways. My prayer is that my life and my home will echo the loving heart of God, the Father.
*Not his real name.
**Confucianism: The ethical (moral) system based on the teachings of Confucius, a philosopher and teacher, and introduced into the Chinese religion. Confucianism emphasizes personal virtue, devotion to family, including the spirits of one’s ancestors, and the maintenance of justice and peace.
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